Happiness makes me cry sometimes.

Last night I thought about happy memory's, and one of the memory's was on Monday when in science class, there was something about juices in you're body and Lydia started to poke me in the stomach while saying, "Juices!!!" It makes me smile now. And the song about how the world is awesome by Discovery makes me smile to. Along with other happy memory's when Lucy was still here in America and hung out with me. Just thinking about this stuff makes me cry happy tears. Don't worry people, I'm happy now. I feel great! :)  

.......................

I got a new computer yesterday, its a Gateway netbook with windows 7. Its kind of cool, but the words on the screen are nearly invisible when there is no maximum zoom, so thats a half of a down point, its half cause you can easily fix the problem. I made my official facebook yesterday too. And I didn't need to lie about age! Woopie! 

             Kayleigh slept over last night, and like always at this time, she is still asleep. My mom thinks both of us are asleep, but only one of us is, and I'm just staying in my room for safety.

                  I am so bored right now and don't really know what to talk about, so good bye. 

Why do these things happen to me??

I just don't understand... Is there some dead person in the afterlife who has a grudge against me?? Cause now One found my blog and know who he is, and he is Nat! I can't say how I feel about him on here cause he will read and won't go to my party cause he would be to weirded out by me to go to it! But..... I could still write, maybe? I'm already depressed, so its not really going to affect me, is it? I really don't know, and I want to make this blog a little bit more happy (taking Nat's and other people's advice), I could probably change the background, but I like it to much..... But I should, right?
                        I should just say how I feel about Nat and get over with it cause he read my entry that was all about him, and he is completely weirded out already, I mean, what would happen, Nat would try to avoid me at all costs (please not happen, please not happen!) And Nat, if your reading this, pay close attention! 
                         Nat, you confuse me to much, sometimes I like you, and sometimes I want to crush you; but right now my feelings for you are sweet, but I don't give a damn if you tease me about it forever. I like you, a lot. I hope you respect that, and tell me how you really feel about me (no lying!) and if you don't like me the way I like you, I will respect that, but I may feel hurt and there is nothing wrong with that. Nat, please still come to my party, ok? Your a good friend, and even if you don't like that I like you more than a friend, please understand I will not force you to like me back. Now to let you know what I like about you, here is a list: 
              1. Your frigging funny
               2. As you call yourself a lot, you are a beast (sometimes)
               3. You can be very polite at times

Falling

I'm playing a game called falling bush and all you do is make bush fall, and you can squeeze through the giant bubbles, heres a link falling bush to it. Check it out, its fun! 

City Of Blinding Lights

Don't know why I wrote a title of a U2 song for this post title. No idea why.... I need help finding out where my birthday party is going to be, I kinda want it to be in Lincoln Park or Coleman pool, maybe Lincoln Park. I really don't know.
               My aunt got into a car crash today on here way to take care of me and Piper, but thankfully she is completely fine; not her car though. I got a glass flying pig from Pier 1  Imports today, and a bunch of awesome of clothes yesterday, but I can't wear them until after my birthday. I also had a dream where no one remember my birthday (like in 16 Candles) and everyone was rude to me, I woke up crying. I hope Kayleigh or Lydia (or even both) will come over tomorrow cause I need to hang out with my friends, but my friends are always busy on weekends so I end up staying in my room or on my computer during the weekends. So I should just kinda give up on hanging out with my friends on weekends. I am always tired, always. No matter how much sleep I get, I still feel like I only slept 5 hours. And I want the evil dark circles under my eyes to go away, they make me look like a drunk, a sad, sad, sad drunk, I mean, look at my hair! Always tangled and fizzed up. And now I'm being self-centered by started almost every sentence in this post, I hate doing that! I need to work on being happy, badly. I'm always sad, very sad, even when I want to be happy, what is up with that??? One doesn't like sad people or things, so I want to work on being happy so everyone won't feel bad around me and will want to hang out with me, cause I want my friends to enjoy my company. I just don't really know how I'm going to be able to be happy, 75% of the time I'm with my friends really, its unhealthy to be happy all the time, no matter what the situation is, in my opinion. 
           Good night people.........    

Blah Blah Blah

Nothing really new has happened to me, I do feel sad more often now even though I try to be happy. I don't know why. Now I'm listening to a playlist I made on my iPod, it has songs like 'City of Blinding Lights' by U2. And other songs that make me feel good. Lydia is in Vancouver, and all my classes are empty cause a migratory of my class is in band, me and Kayleigh didn't go, but she didn't come to school today because she thought that One, Two Raphael Paulson and Four are gone and we would have no one to hang out with, but she was wrong. They were here and the teased me about being pregnant, why? I have no clue at all really. I sat in art at a very empty table and the only person in the class that I could endure was Frank, a guy who some people think is crazy and very strange; but I talk to him during the passing time between 2nd period and 3rd period, and hes funny. I sat next to him in art cause it felt weird sitting at an empty desk. We talked about music and how Justin Bieber needed to come out of the closet. And about a emo mask that I'm making in art. We both chose music that was actually good and not songs by Justin Bieber. I don't really care if I misspell 'Bieber', so no one give me crap about not spelling it right please. Good night people. 

Being Dramatic

Don't be dramatic, like these creatures and people









Scary, right. My caterpillar died today :( but in remembrance, I watch Tron and watch 30-second Bunnies. 
                              I also got a weird email today, it was an advertisement for a "special" for men, very weird.                             This type of writing is weird..........   

Bugs

I found a caterpillar on the sidewalk today while I was walking home, I almost stepped on it, but thankfully I didn't. I took it home and Piper named it Kooky, which is kinda cute. I think I will bring it to school some day, but I don't now when. And I can't make a pie until the next time I'm at my dad, which is two weeks from now :(
               I got a possible baby-sitting job today in the park that is next to the dog park in Highland Park, (thats a lot of parks), for these two sweet boys that could be twins, both 4! They told me all about super heroes and soccer. They even served me imaginary McDonald's. The mom doesn't have other babysitters and her sons really like me, so I could be getting a job this weekend!! Little kids that have big imaginations make me super happy, I don't feel sad or depress when I play with little kids. And I like that, but my world cant be a perfect utopia, even though I wish it did...
                         Though, it would be weird and scary if there was no feelings in the world.....
       Must go to bed now, thank you caterpillars and young children for making part of the world enjoyable!! 

Fear

I saw a consoler today at school. I saw him cause I broke down in 6th period. It was that empty feeling again; I have had that empty feeling for weeks, but I kinda kept to myself. I don't like centering problems around me. Since I'm afraid of being a self-centered person,   I want to be the opposite of that. Is that bad? I'm  not so sure about. And can you people that joke about me being schizophrenic, please stop, when I was breaking down I heard Two (or One) whisper to the other that my schizophrenia was messing with me "again" That only helped it. I don't like it, I know its a joke, but I'm kinda getting sick of it. 
            But who cares?! No one reads this boring, dumb blog anyways.... 

Crap

I feel like shit, or crap, there the same thing (poop). Why do I feel like shit? Not really some much of a shitty feeling, but an empty feeling really. I feel kinda alone in the world, even though I have great friends and One, but I still feel lonely..... I don't like this feeling, I have this feeling all the time now; it just happened for like a certain period of time that I would feel empty and show it to the world, but now I feel it all the time and I will sometimes show  the feeling physically. I hate this feeling, I want it to go away, but it won't. I wish to feel like this that picture.
<-
Yes, that picture right there, that is how I wish to feel like right now. I just don't really know how to feel like that. :( 
                  Every time during first period (a.k.a science) my girl-fashion-instincts take over me, and One sits right next to me! I do not like my girl-fashion-instincts, I denied them most of my life and there back for a hostile takeover, and its scary! In class today the things that I said was just about awful shoes and very bad colors and other fashion-y stuff like that. I'm always saying and doing stupid stuff when I'm around the big group of my friends I hang out with. WHY?????!!!!!!! 
                            I do not enjoy whats going on with me, I am very very very very very very very confused and empty, extremely empty.
         
                         :(   

Change

I just changed my blog title to ?, yes thats my new title, ?. Its a symbol of the meaning of my blog, but you got to find that out on your own.... 

I'm Back!

Hi people, I have missed you, and (maybe) you have missed me, I don't know... I finally found the song I have been wondering what it was, here it is:



Its a good song, it makes me all warm inside! :) I found this red soda, and guess what flavor it is, the bottle says the flavor of the red soda is Red, and I'm serious, it does say it on there. And strangely, it does taste reddish, kinda like red cream soda, but....its strange, right?? 
               I have finally found a book that suites me, and its not from the school library, nor kids section or teens section in the public library. I can't believe the people that write the teen novels pick awful subjects for their novels, I mean some teen novels have o.k subjects, but there so simple and short! The two books that I got are these:


          
  I just started Alabaster, the Preface is good, and I never enjoy the Preface, thats why I usually skip it. Look up the books on Amazon.com cause I can't explain two books that I haven't even read yet to you people that could be reading this right now. 
                       I am happy to say I finished my homework, so I can now waste my time looking at my computer screen and (maybe) playing Sims2....I don't know....
                          BYE!!! BYE MY FELLOW MINIONS!!!

ONE!!

ONE! ONE ONE ONE ONE ONE ONE ONE ONE ONE ONE!!!!! I really needed to get that out after spending most of the day with One, which was fawesome!! One kept me laughing the whole time we were talking, it was so much fun!! I watched him play on my xbox and we talked about stuff that I can't remember right now. We also watched 30-sec bunnies and listened to Weezer on my computer, and I chose great music for his battle scenes on the game he was playing like Carol of Bells and Greensleeves, also Black dog by Led Zeppelin and the Greatest Man That Ever Lived by Weezer. My dad then took us to Full Tilt Ice Cream in White Center. One had 20 dollars and turned them all into quarters, I then showed him the t-shirt Full Tilt sells, which says "It's not going to like it's self" now One wants the t-shirt so badly and we made jokes about it. The whole time we were together was great! We played pinball and ate pizza at Stella Pizza, I told him about the "Love-burger" story and played Beat It on the juke box at Sella Pizza. When everyone was leaving Stella Pizza I was laughing from the comments that One was making about he was the only person who didn't drink and that he had to drive home. I got in the car and couldn't buckle my seat belt so One had to buckle me in and said that I had to much root beer, it was so funny. And when we were driving One home he was singing an awful pop song. It got more funny when we drove to a point in a street and he started yelling "TURN TURN TURN TURN" in between his singing. And my dad turned in the wrong direction. 


The time me and One spent together was great!! And now I will put in a song that reminds me kind of One....





I hope you enjoyed this post and sorry for the long time I haven't posted.

Alone....

I feel totally alone and uncomfortable here in my aunt's house on Easter Sunday where there are random people who I don't know here. At least I am alowed to freely use my aunt's awesome laptop so I may entertain myself. I got the smallest Easter basket I have ever gotten, all it has is three chocolate bars and Seventeen Magazine, which is stupid; I only read it in front of my aunt to make here happy..... I'm not even christian, I'm wiccan. Its like a gazelle disguised as a lion, and all the lions are falling for the trick. I want to hang out with my friends, not listen to people talk about mowing lawns!
                     I also want to go back to school to see all my friends there, and One!

I just don't belong where I am right now.

I......don't know what to say.....

I have a crush on One. There, I said it. I just don't know what to say cause One might being reading my blog right now and I'm afraid of giving any hints about him except how nice he is to me. I really want to hug him, Lydia even urged me to hug him one day in class, but I'm to much of a chicken to do it... I know something about him, no I don't know, I suspect. Along with Lydia and Kayleigh, they are very observant over me. Like my guardian angels, so thank you my fawesome friends!! I also want to thank-- wait...this is like I'm giving a speech after getting an award...but I do thank One for being so kind to me. I think its karma or something else... I got to figure this out. I mean, I'm actually excited about coming back to school cause I get to see One there, what is wrong with me???

I am going to the Great Wolf Lodge tomorrow, for two days with my family! Sense none of my friends could come with me, my great friend and cousin will be joining me, so I won't be so lonely! I also hate Domino's pizza, I get sick after I eat their pizza, I woke up at 3 in the morning because I was farting my ass off and I needed to really throw up. That sucked like HELL, I am now feeling better cause I found the secret to make me feel better. Water and dried toast. Thank you dried toast!! I am now going to listen to Led Zeppelin and play with newly bought silly putty.

I like kittens, but this one is a scary fucking cat

This kitten (names Mittens) is frigging scary, really scary

That is a really messed up kitten. I don't know where these guys get their ideas, but there fucking awesome.

I am now starting to read the Lovely Bones, great book by the way. I just got it yesterday and I'm already on chapter 8; its kinda crazy how the story is seen through a dead girls eye's. The author has some real depth.

I really want 2 know if anyone else is reading my blog except Lydia when I ask her if she will read it. If you are reading this post, please leave a message or a note. I feel like no one reads my blog and I'm posting for nothing, and I want some meaning for my blog-posting. Its almost making me wanting 2 delete this one and start another about a topic that other people (that would read it) are interested in.

Its been awhile

I am now grounded by my dad because I have 1 D in school, 1 fucking D in school. I had more D's last semester than I do this semester, and all he did was hound me on homework. What the hell?!?!?! I try my best, but my parents except me to become a child prodigy over night because I'm in spectrum and plays the clarinet. WTF?!?! I can't do that in one day, I really do try, I really do. So I am now blogging behind his back, I'm just so stressed, I can't even hangout with friends until I turn that D in science into an B+ or at least an A-. I can't do that in a week! I know what the title of my blog says, but right now I don't feel :), i feel :((. I really do feel like that; but some good things came out of today, I got two lollipops from Nat, I'm with my aunt, I'm listening to Queen and I got a new book, which is fawesome! Heres the song:

The song makes me happy, but this video was the only one of this song that allows me to embed, so sorry people! I had a better video, I couldn't put it in my damn blog. >:/ hmph. Please enjoy this song.

I also really wanna perform this spirit guide contacting spell, but I don't have the supplies I need in order to perform it, which incredibly sucks ass. Cause I don't know what my guide looks like, and I really wanna meet him/her. Maybe you, my great friends, could help me get these supplies:

1: Alter candle (I might be able to get that)

2: Day candle (I can so do that, but that depends on the day)

3: 3 violet candles, and 3 white candles

4: Athame (a type of knife)

5: Clear glass of water (I can sooo do that)

6: Incense: anise, cardamon, and coriander

7: Oil:jasmine, lemon, rose, and sandalwood

8: Bathing Herbs: cinnamon, frankincense, myrrh, and sandalwood

Ya.....So contact me if you get any of that stuff please

Beware of Interviews

I warn you, interviews can cause anxiety, but this interview is different. I would also like add that I'm going to make special posts call the WTF posts, where there are videos that just make no sense, at all. So here is a scary interview and a video that makes me think WTF

This is the weird video 1


This is weird video #2

Freaky, right?

I Have Notice Something

I have notice that I really don't need to make blog posts because the only people that read my blog are the two friends who I keep the most contact with; but I will keep posting because then I can entertain my friends who read this blog.

Also, I'm feeling depressed, and I really don't know why either. I'm feeling confused about some of my feelings (the romantic feelings for my crush who is un-named) I think I just lost them, I am now without a crush. I don't think its actually liberating, it really just makes me feel empty inside. I think I can stay without someone to dream about romantically for awhile, but not to long. I wanted you fawesome people to hear the Sailor Moon theme song, part of the beginning of the video is the one I know really well, the rest, I don't know so much about cause its a different season.

Please enjoy! And now for the question of the post! XD:

What theme song from a movie or tv show is your favorite?

WTF

As my title says, WTF

What the hell??? Thats weird, and theres a firefly flying around the dude's ass in the video while hes walking around.

Lollipop Frenzy Faze

I stayed home today cause I'm to sick for school. Ya, take that school, I'm to sick for you! I took a serious nap and now I'm listening to this fawesome song that is kind of sweet, so here is is:

Don't you like it? So something happened to my Sims2, it crashed, kinda, only the store edition(which is weird) and I can't play my families, I really hope when I try it again, it works. Oh, just to add to the video I found; DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, SHOULD YOU WATCH THE "We are golden" VIDEO, IT WILL SCARE YOU! I know that you will watch it since I told you not to, its human nature. I bet school is out now and I'm going to try to work Sims2.

And now for the question of the post!:

What scares you??

I'm Going Crazy If this Song Plays in my Head to Long

I have a new happy song for me, this song gets me happy when I hear it. Listen and enjoy!:

This is a great song if you listen to it long enough, but if you are a unhappy dark person, don't listen!!! I want to listen to this song as much as I can cause I'm sick, and my sweet Aunt is trying to make me feel better. So I will say this,

THANK YOU

AUNTIE

I LOVE YOU!!!!

I know she doesn't read my blog, but I still want to say it. I hung out with Astrid's friends (Astrid is one of my friends I probably didn't mention) and it was fun. A guy named Ben did jokes from Monty Python And The Holy Grail that I got the first time since I watch more of that (and find it funny) then a lot of the girls at the table I sat at for lunch. Ben acted out as the Dark Knight when the Knight's arms were cut off. Ben tried to bite people while saying "Its but a flesh wound" in a great British accent, also saying "I'll kick you!" It was hilarious! And to add to today; during Language Arts, I sat with Lydia, Ned, Nat, and Raphael. I said that I have magnesium in me (a lot of it) and Nat asked, "So one day, you will spontaneously combust?" I replied yes. We laughed then Ned said he would want to see that. I know he doesn't like me that much, but I will try my best to make him not hate me, but have neutral feelings for me like Nat. Oh, I found this on You Tube, its funny. You know the guy from Muppets who helps the scientist and is prone to accidents, he sings Ode to Joy. At first you think everything is fine, but wait.....

It kind of....scares me a little bit. And now for the question of the post!

Who is your favorite Muppet??

I am Miserably Wired by the Evil Mocha

I HATE YOU EVIL MOCHA!!!!! DAMN YOU MOCHA!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!! Why am I yelling in my blog post at mocha??? Well, Lydia had me drink coffee, and I hate coffee. I seriously loathe coffee, and now after tonight, I hate it even more. I am completely wired and tired, but I can't fucking sleep!!!! Why??? I am cursed, first I had two 4 karat gold earring backs stuck in my frigging earlobes, then Ned took my magnet (which magically appears by my stuff after volleyball practice) now this!!! Being a guinea pig for my own science fair project, drinking coffee and testing my blood pressure, I hate coffee and coffee hates me. My stomach feels weird and my throat burns, plus coffee tastes awful! I don't deserve it! And this is putting me in a terrible mood. I don't want to eat cause I think I might throw up, which I don't want happening. I am listening to music that would put me in a good mood, like this:

There are more songs, but I specifically chose this one since I listen to this song a lot on my fawesome iPod, which looks like this (its the nano, not the shuffle)

Isn't beautiful? Whenever I see my beautiful iPod, I feel better; but right now it won't help, the coffee is making me way too emotional, or I'm going insane. And that relates to my post question.

Is the coffee making me more emotional or am I just going crazy???

Did you know that the school nurse does surgery??

Guess what, I had the back of one of my earrings stuck in my ear, gross right? I found it while I was in the bathroom at volleyball practice. I looked in the mirror and saw something shiny, I totally freaked out about it; so I ran out and asked Mr.Hale (my volleyball coach) if I could go to the nurse's office, he asked why, I showed him my discovery. He got a super shocked face, then said, "Go to the nurse and ask her for help, if shes not there, contact your parents." I told him thank you and ran out the gym. I was scared, I was fucking scared. I ran up to the nurse's office and she was there (thank Athena) I showed her the damage and she got the tweezers out. She yanked the menacing piece of gold out of my ear, and it hurt like HELL, it was worse then piercing my ears, and that hurt. And that is how the school nurse saved my damaged ear from infections.

So to continue on about my day at school, I was shunned from my two best friends, Kaleigh and Lydia. I asked if I could sit with them and the new group they hang out with during lunch, they said there was no room. I asked them that in art, 2nd period; but when I sat alone at the lunch tabled, I saw a super crowded table, then Ai-San joined them. They welcomed her. Now that really hurt, I was shunned. I ended up eating alone and being alone during the whole lunch. I know that the friends who shunned me will be reading this, and you may yell at me or leave slightly mean comments defending you, but I sand by what I say. Please don't do that to me again, please.

Question of the post: If you were shunned by your best friend, what would you do?

Jelly Beans

Okay, i have no idea why I named this post "Jelly Beans" but it makes me happy cause I'm kinda disappointed in my school's society. Why am I kinda disappointed? Well, I know some students are nice people, and others, not so much. Okay, so yesterday I was waiting for my mom to get me from school and I was texting Kayleigh; so some guys were nearby and (I think) absolutely bored. They decided to through rocks at me, yes rocks. and random people asked me for money and thought I was rude for not giving any, WTF?!?!?!?!? Really people? But I am now going to talk about something happy!!! I'm going to see Alice in Wonderland with Lydia!!! It will be so much fun! :)) Now for my random question:

What are you disappointed in?????

Fawesomeness

I would like to tell you why I say fawesome. Fawesome is not in the dictionary, but I don't care. My definition of fawesome is frocking (hee hee) awesome, my dad's definition of fawesome is fucking awesome. I would ask other people, but I'm in my house on my computer, not outside socializing with my fawesome friends. I HAVE DIMES!!!!! Please have fun reading my fawesome blog! I will also start asking random questions at the end of every blog I write, but I won't ask you right now. I want to give you a picture! Its up there, she is Lettuce, she is a member of Tokyo Mew Mew. Doesn't she look coolio??? I like to watch anime, its fun. I finished the Tokyo Mew Mew series, now I'm starting to watch Sailor Moon. I realized Usagi is kinda like me, shes a blond, me too, shes a cancer, me too, her birthday is in June, me too. Shes blood type O, me too, (weird right??) me and Usagi are clumsy, and we like cats!! XD I am now off to go watch Sailor Moon! Bye!!

Which anime character do you think you are most like????

Friends

I should always introduce my friends and family before I talk about them, but I don't really want to introduce them to you before I talk about them. So I will tell you who my subjects are (I got this idea from one of my blogging friends)

Dad: Dad is of course my father. He loves to play World of Warcraft (which is fawesome) and he likes to watch the totally awesome Star Wars with me. He is one of my greatest friends I have.

Mom: My mother who can really get on my nerves, but I know we love each other.

Mom-mom: My wonderful grandmother

Auntie: My fawesome aunt

Piper: My absolutely crazy little sister who is super aggressive. She scares the crap out of me sometimes or is just plain annoying. She also loves cupcakes, I mean, she LOVES cupcakes!

Kayleigh!: My great friend who i skype with and go to school with. She will help me if I ask politely. She is a blogger too. She can play the alto sax awesomely. She also has a fawseome laptop. She has great taste in music and movies, and is a great drawer

Lydia: Lydia plays the violin better then me playing my clarinet, and I'm awful at the clarinet. Lydia inspired me to do this post, so thank you Lydia! She takes the same classes as me in school (middle school) and is the zombie master! I am also convinced she can talk through her ears. We are doing a science fair project together. Lydia is great at drawing too! XD

Madi: My great eighth grader friend who I sit next to music, she is great at playing the clarinet, unlike me.

Heaven: Heaven used to go to my school, then she moved. She is a great volleyball player and nominated me to be the next volleyball team captain for the school's team when I get into the 8th grade. She is so kind and I'm going to miss her so much!! :(

Anthony: A kind friend who I have known for 3 years, since we went to the same elementary school together, he is in the 8th grade.

Dustin: I don't know any words to describe him

Martini: My best friend; and yes, he is a cat.

Precious: The fattest cat alive! I like to dress her up in costumes.

Nat: My classmate who is good friends with Lydia. He jokes with his friends by flirting with them, and sometimes proposing to them

Ned: I would call Ned Nat's conscious.

Raphael: Rarely talks to people, but Lydia says he is very interesting to talk to. Nat and Ned use to mess with his small afro until he killed it. :( But he can draw freaky-inly fawesome pictures, like my soul-eating bunny and Mr.Fluffy. >:))

Mr.Blob: He is my friend who I lose so much money to cause he is great at poker. And can tell the future so I always lose my bets against him.

Cutie: Cutie is my moshi monster, she is a purple poppet, she is so cute!

Last but not least, Ai-San: My other fawesome friend, who is funny and fawesome like all my other friends.

That is all my subjects, enjoy!!! XD