City Of Blinding Lights

Don't know why I wrote a title of a U2 song for this post title. No idea why.... I need help finding out where my birthday party is going to be, I kinda want it to be in Lincoln Park or Coleman pool, maybe Lincoln Park. I really don't know.
               My aunt got into a car crash today on here way to take care of me and Piper, but thankfully she is completely fine; not her car though. I got a glass flying pig from Pier 1  Imports today, and a bunch of awesome of clothes yesterday, but I can't wear them until after my birthday. I also had a dream where no one remember my birthday (like in 16 Candles) and everyone was rude to me, I woke up crying. I hope Kayleigh or Lydia (or even both) will come over tomorrow cause I need to hang out with my friends, but my friends are always busy on weekends so I end up staying in my room or on my computer during the weekends. So I should just kinda give up on hanging out with my friends on weekends. I am always tired, always. No matter how much sleep I get, I still feel like I only slept 5 hours. And I want the evil dark circles under my eyes to go away, they make me look like a drunk, a sad, sad, sad drunk, I mean, look at my hair! Always tangled and fizzed up. And now I'm being self-centered by started almost every sentence in this post, I hate doing that! I need to work on being happy, badly. I'm always sad, very sad, even when I want to be happy, what is up with that??? One doesn't like sad people or things, so I want to work on being happy so everyone won't feel bad around me and will want to hang out with me, cause I want my friends to enjoy my company. I just don't really know how I'm going to be able to be happy, 75% of the time I'm with my friends really, its unhealthy to be happy all the time, no matter what the situation is, in my opinion. 
           Good night people.........    

Blah Blah Blah

Nothing really new has happened to me, I do feel sad more often now even though I try to be happy. I don't know why. Now I'm listening to a playlist I made on my iPod, it has songs like 'City of Blinding Lights' by U2. And other songs that make me feel good. Lydia is in Vancouver, and all my classes are empty cause a migratory of my class is in band, me and Kayleigh didn't go, but she didn't come to school today because she thought that One, Two Raphael Paulson and Four are gone and we would have no one to hang out with, but she was wrong. They were here and the teased me about being pregnant, why? I have no clue at all really. I sat in art at a very empty table and the only person in the class that I could endure was Frank, a guy who some people think is crazy and very strange; but I talk to him during the passing time between 2nd period and 3rd period, and hes funny. I sat next to him in art cause it felt weird sitting at an empty desk. We talked about music and how Justin Bieber needed to come out of the closet. And about a emo mask that I'm making in art. We both chose music that was actually good and not songs by Justin Bieber. I don't really care if I misspell 'Bieber', so no one give me crap about not spelling it right please. Good night people. 

Being Dramatic

Don't be dramatic, like these creatures and people









Scary, right. My caterpillar died today :( but in remembrance, I watch Tron and watch 30-second Bunnies. 
                              I also got a weird email today, it was an advertisement for a "special" for men, very weird.                             This type of writing is weird..........   

Bugs

I found a caterpillar on the sidewalk today while I was walking home, I almost stepped on it, but thankfully I didn't. I took it home and Piper named it Kooky, which is kinda cute. I think I will bring it to school some day, but I don't now when. And I can't make a pie until the next time I'm at my dad, which is two weeks from now :(
               I got a possible baby-sitting job today in the park that is next to the dog park in Highland Park, (thats a lot of parks), for these two sweet boys that could be twins, both 4! They told me all about super heroes and soccer. They even served me imaginary McDonald's. The mom doesn't have other babysitters and her sons really like me, so I could be getting a job this weekend!! Little kids that have big imaginations make me super happy, I don't feel sad or depress when I play with little kids. And I like that, but my world cant be a perfect utopia, even though I wish it did...
                         Though, it would be weird and scary if there was no feelings in the world.....
       Must go to bed now, thank you caterpillars and young children for making part of the world enjoyable!! 

Fear

I saw a consoler today at school. I saw him cause I broke down in 6th period. It was that empty feeling again; I have had that empty feeling for weeks, but I kinda kept to myself. I don't like centering problems around me. Since I'm afraid of being a self-centered person,   I want to be the opposite of that. Is that bad? I'm  not so sure about. And can you people that joke about me being schizophrenic, please stop, when I was breaking down I heard Two (or One) whisper to the other that my schizophrenia was messing with me "again" That only helped it. I don't like it, I know its a joke, but I'm kinda getting sick of it. 
            But who cares?! No one reads this boring, dumb blog anyways.... 

Crap

I feel like shit, or crap, there the same thing (poop). Why do I feel like shit? Not really some much of a shitty feeling, but an empty feeling really. I feel kinda alone in the world, even though I have great friends and One, but I still feel lonely..... I don't like this feeling, I have this feeling all the time now; it just happened for like a certain period of time that I would feel empty and show it to the world, but now I feel it all the time and I will sometimes show  the feeling physically. I hate this feeling, I want it to go away, but it won't. I wish to feel like this that picture.
<-
Yes, that picture right there, that is how I wish to feel like right now. I just don't really know how to feel like that. :( 
                  Every time during first period (a.k.a science) my girl-fashion-instincts take over me, and One sits right next to me! I do not like my girl-fashion-instincts, I denied them most of my life and there back for a hostile takeover, and its scary! In class today the things that I said was just about awful shoes and very bad colors and other fashion-y stuff like that. I'm always saying and doing stupid stuff when I'm around the big group of my friends I hang out with. WHY?????!!!!!!! 
                            I do not enjoy whats going on with me, I am very very very very very very very confused and empty, extremely empty.
         
                         :(   

Change

I just changed my blog title to ?, yes thats my new title, ?. Its a symbol of the meaning of my blog, but you got to find that out on your own.... 

I'm Back!

Hi people, I have missed you, and (maybe) you have missed me, I don't know... I finally found the song I have been wondering what it was, here it is:



Its a good song, it makes me all warm inside! :) I found this red soda, and guess what flavor it is, the bottle says the flavor of the red soda is Red, and I'm serious, it does say it on there. And strangely, it does taste reddish, kinda like red cream soda, but....its strange, right?? 
               I have finally found a book that suites me, and its not from the school library, nor kids section or teens section in the public library. I can't believe the people that write the teen novels pick awful subjects for their novels, I mean some teen novels have o.k subjects, but there so simple and short! The two books that I got are these:


          
  I just started Alabaster, the Preface is good, and I never enjoy the Preface, thats why I usually skip it. Look up the books on Amazon.com cause I can't explain two books that I haven't even read yet to you people that could be reading this right now. 
                       I am happy to say I finished my homework, so I can now waste my time looking at my computer screen and (maybe) playing Sims2....I don't know....
                          BYE!!! BYE MY FELLOW MINIONS!!!